Below is my writing from vocal media .
BLUE HEART
There is a girl that everyone knows has a beautiful grin. She is smiling whenever you see her, laughing at your jokes, listening to your stories, and giving you great advice. She is insanely childish but has an extremely refreshing humor and whenever you need someone to cry on, she is always willing to give you her shoulder. She is honest, genuine, empathetic, ambitious, putting forth effort for you. She always carries herself with class. She is a kind of a girl that will make you want to be the best version of yourself; without changing who you really are. She will always strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. She is a strong woman.
Life, for her, is easy and full of joy.
People talk behind her back about how inspiring she is and how they think she is perfect, but the truth behind what they see is the blue color of her heart. This girl has been wearing a mask for so long. She hides her cheeks and shades her eyes.
She pretends to smile, pretends to be happy, pretends to be okay, pretends to be strong, but the fact is, she is not. And she is dealing with that every day. Day by day she was slowly dying inside. She couldn't go on. There was something missing. She was sad and lonely, she felt empty like she was missing a part of herself. She has many friends and family members. She wants to tell to her family and friends about how she truly feels, but she just cannot. I think she becomes an expert at the phrases: “I'm fine.” and “don't worry about me,” because the truth behind these words is a scream out for help. She becomes an expert at faking it, but she always felt cracked and broken down. She is a girl who always wears a mask around the people who surround her. She cried a lot, but nobody could hear her.
Behind all her smiles are the tears.
Behind all the comfort are the fears.
She wanted to share how exactly she feels, but how? She doesn't even know what makes her blue; all she knows is she is lonely and sad and she is hurting and in pain. She feels like someone stabbed her heart with the sharpest knife and she cannot pull it out. This girl doesn't know herself- she doesn't know who and what can make her happy and what makes her cry. She doesn't know, but she wants to find herself or find someone because she thinks she needs it and that is what her heart wants her to do, but the more she looks, the more she becomes confused. She is guilty, tired, and she doesn't want to pretend and act like she is extremely happy. She once tried to share how she felt, but people became too nosy. When she told them, it didn’t make her happy, but she stayed broken. There were questions they asked her like “what happened?” or “why are you sad?” which were followed by sympathy with suggestions and advice that didn’t help at all. It annoyed her and it made her even sadder because she does not know what happened or why she is sad.
Now, this girl wants to ask again for a piece of advice. What is the right thing to do? Did she really need to find herself?
Is there anyone out there who feels what she feels? Why does it hurt? There is no reason for her to be hurt, but why? Beautiful family, loyal friends, a loving boyfriend, a good career, and wonderful people around her. What is missing?
Is it okay to pretend that she is happy when her heart is bleeding? Why is she sad and lonely? What makes her blue? Day by day, she challenges herself to stand strong in front of anyone else.
She continues to smile despite her heartache.
Continuing to love and appreciate the people who force her to smile and to forget her pain for a while.
Continuing to fight for her dream all the while it getting harder and harder.
Continuing to smile even when it's a lie.
Continuing to live, even she is dying inside.
Day by day she never stops praying and searching for the thing that'll stop her crying, for someone who'll erase her fears, for the person who'll make her complete. Until then, she keeps on smiling-hoping one day she can be true to herself and to everyone else. Until then, she remains here... waiting.
